LFG and I are back from visiting my mom in S.C. Having subscribed to Toad’s NMP strategy a good while back-my visits home are generally fun and this trip was no exception. Entropy and inertia-delightfully so-are good characterizations for this holiday’s visit home. We never made it to Charleston-too many local folks that demanded an audience with Queen LFG and her Jester…that would be me.
I’d say the only negative aspect of the visit was the drive. I lie to LFG every time we go down there…saying… “I know the drive is tough baby. We will never do it again-we’ll fly from now on”. I mean it when I say it. Then I price airfare and it always exceeds a roundtrip ticket to England for one person or one pair of shell cordovans and I balk. I-95 is getting worse by the day so who knows what I’ll do next time. Probably lie again.
The Brethren Outlet had a one million percent off sale so I pounced on an item or two when we stopped to pee. Always coordinate your bladder with the Brethren I say.
In an effort to perpetuate our valve closing culinary habits, we busted through the McD's drive by cholesterol window for a shot of fat and sodium. So strong it was that one of my Polo Cordovans blew right off my damn foot-right there in the rental car. Oh yeah, forgot to tell you that my Saab 9-3 convertible died in a big way. It's car time-one year sooner than planned. Y'all are lying your collective holiday asses off if you say you don't like the occasional trip through the drive-by at the Mc.D.
Our trip was characterized by the usual holiday activity-eating. Had we stayed one more day I’d be in the hospital in a lipid and hypertensive crisis. And I’d probably blow up to a 33 waist and 160 pounds. I did develop a tiny little paunch as evidenced in this pic of my favorite Christmas present. God knows how I love White Trash Cooking.
I realize that to you non-Southerners this looks like a grotesque autopsy tray. But let me tell you friends, this is manna from heaven-Hog Heaven. Shut up. Two pounds of barbecue and two pounds of ribs accompany a bottle of the best sauce in South Carolina. And no, you can’t have any. I travel with a cooler so that I can restock all of my heart valve closing treats.
And finally, another gift from LFG awaited me when we got home. Crane stationery in chocolate brown monogram and piping. Now if I could only learn to write.
Onward into Twenty-Oh-Ten as one of my clients says.
Jester ADG and Queen LFG