Friday, January 1, 2010

Happy New Year!

LFG and I are back from visiting my mom in S.C. Having subscribed to Toad’s NMP strategy a good while back-my visits home are generally fun and this trip was no exception. Entropy and inertia-delightfully so-are good characterizations for this holiday’s visit home. We never made it to Charleston-too many local folks that demanded an audience with Queen LFG and her Jester…that would be me.

I’d say the only negative aspect of the visit was the drive. I lie to LFG every time we go down there…saying…  “I know the drive is tough baby. We will never do it again-we’ll fly from now on”. I mean it when I say it. Then I price airfare and it always exceeds a roundtrip ticket to England for one person or one pair of shell cordovans and I balk. I-95 is getting worse by the day so who knows what I’ll do next time. Probably lie again.

The Brethren Outlet had a one million percent off sale so I pounced on an item or two when we stopped to pee. Always coordinate your bladder with the Brethren I say.

In an effort to perpetuate our valve closing culinary habits, we busted through the McD's drive by cholesterol window for a shot of fat and sodium. So strong it was that one of my Polo Cordovans blew right off my damn foot-right there in the rental car. Oh yeah, forgot to tell you that my Saab 9-3 convertible died in a big way. It's car time-one year sooner than planned. Y'all are lying your collective holiday asses off if you say you don't like the occasional trip through the drive-by at the Mc.D.

Our trip was characterized by the usual holiday activity-eating. Had we stayed one more day I’d be in the hospital in a lipid and hypertensive crisis. And I’d probably blow up to a 33 waist and 160 pounds. I did develop a tiny little paunch as evidenced in this pic of my favorite Christmas present. God knows how I love White Trash Cooking.

I realize that to you non-Southerners this looks like a grotesque autopsy tray. But let me tell you friends, this is manna from heaven-Hog Heaven. Shut up. Two pounds of barbecue and two pounds of ribs accompany a bottle of the best sauce in South Carolina. And no, you can’t have any. I travel with a cooler so that I can restock all of my heart valve closing treats.

And finally, another gift from LFG awaited me when we got home. Crane stationery in chocolate brown monogram and piping. Now if I could only learn to write.

Onward into Twenty-Oh-Ten as one of my clients says.

Jester ADG and Queen LFG


James said...

Happy New Year, welcome back and can I get an amen for southern barbecue?!

JMW said...

Happy New Year to you - I have enjoyed reading your blog this year and look forward to 2010. And, yes, I'll admit I hit the McD drive-thru yesterday to comfort the little ones after a tough day. Vanilla milkshakes were in tall order.

JRS said...

Happy New Year...great post - especially timing the bladder with an outlet stop, McD's, and BBQ.

Toad said...

I've actually been to Browns, and for the longest time thought that was the local Church. More praying was done there than anyplace I had ever been.

Glad you're home, save and sound. Let's have a great 2mx, and give the little one a NY hug for us.

Summer is a Verb said...

Luuuv the belt. ADG done did good. Babe and I are hitting up the Bethesda Brethren tomorrow to cash in some Santa gift cards. Little does he know I have a plan perculating to covertly slip a white, french cuff non-iron women's shirt into his pile at check out...XXOO

Mrs. Blandings said...

Uh, the writing thing you pretty much have down, it' must be putting pen to paper that trips you up.

That belt is beyond beyond. I swoon every time you post it.

longwing said...

Happy New Year, sport. Keep making 'em swoon.

LPC said...

But which bag belongs to the little girl:). HNY to you too.

Bill said...

Where'd you get the belt? Been looking for one for a while.

tintin said...

Happy New Year, hoss. I'd guess flying down there would take about as long as driving would nowadays.

initials CG said...

Happy New Year!

...and yes, that food looks like I see dead people...enjoy.

Paul said...

Happy New to you both.

Yes, what I thought was a front end alignment problem when approaching McD turned out be some other force - it happens at least once a month.

33s eh. Boy, eat more bbq and get up to the rest of us!! Have some fries with that too! I make and bottle my own sauce known as Paul's #5. - yours for the asking.

Be sure and use a fountain pen with that great stationery.

Anonymous English Female said...

ADG - that beautiful stationery is crying out for some violent ink.
HNY to you and LFG.

Anonymous said...

Very handsome note cards. Be grateful, your initials make for an attractive monogram. The same can't be said for everyone. I believe parents should consider how the monogram will look when they pick names for their newborn. Shallow and superficial, I know.

I like the belt, too. You have such distinctive taste. You owe it to yourself to check out the BillyKirk belt. The buckle is hidden somewhat like a mechanic's belt. It could make a unique addition to your collection.

Is it time to think about getting a puppy for your wonderful daughter? Easter will be here before we know it.

Happy New Year!

Gail, in northern California said...

You went shopping en route home? You are one amazing man. My husband is one of those "go-to-the-bathroom-now-because-we're-not-stopping- kind of guys.

All kidding aside...glad you home. I loved your reference to "Queen LFG". Wise you are to instill ancestry in your golden-haired girl. A loving family provides stability beyond measure. Your childhood home and memories even more so.

ADG said...

James….Thanks. I’ll have to scoot over to your site and get an update on those grandboys.

JMW...Milkshakes indeed. Did you get one of the Chipmunks in the Happy Meal?

JRS...Thanks. I’m a hunter-gatherer-pee-er so it was easy to time all of that.

Toad...Amazing that you’ve been down to my neck of the woods. Interestingly Toad, the guys who pray the loudest and the longest are also the ones who drink the most liquor out back of the barbecue joint.

Allie Summersverb...I’m sure you were able to slip the shirt into the shopping pile at the Brethren. You are the best rationalize-procurer I’ve ever met. That’s why as sibs, we would have been hell on mamma. The belt deserves its own post. Greatest find in ages thanks to you.

Mrs. Blandings...Once again, you are too kind and unobjective, for some reason, as well. Stop swooning over the belt and buy one for you and Mr. B. (“Mr. B.” …I just channeled Hazel) at

Longwang...Back at you old buddy. Hope that your house was full of fun during the holls.

Bill...The absolute best gift of the season is my belt. Get one at

Tintin...Right back at you boy. The onliest thing about flying is that you can at least read a book and huff about delays versus stew in traffic on I-95. I don’t know. Now that I think of it it’s prolly a wash.

CG ...Unless you are a vegetarian, you need to give this stuff a “go”.

Paul...Yes, I want to try the Paul’s #5 and no, I can’t get bigger-I’m still on the market and yes, I use a fountain pen.

AnonEngFem…I’ve got violent ink-green ink-brown ink. Oh, we’ve got ink.

Anonymous...Shallow-superficial but important. One of my best buddies and his wife didn’t name their daughter after her mother because her initials would have been G.A.S. I checked out the BillyKirk belt damn you. And their tote bags etc. Cool stuff. We would love a puppy but I travel too much.

GailNorCal...The reason I am NOT that “go to the bathroom now” kind of dads is because my parents were. I’m not a shopper per se. I’m in an out of these places in no time. Thanks for continuing to be completely biased and non-objective regarding my frolics with LFG. I just sat on the sofa with her for two hours last night-laughing and talking. Amazing.

Brian said...

Sorry to hear about the car. I'll second James with an amen for southern BBQ, and of course we stop at McD every road trip. Happy New Year!

Brian said...

By the way if the car is beyond repair you might want to consider a Audi A5 cab this time around since the future of Saab is still up in the air.

CeceliaMc said...

"Interestingly Toad, the guys who pray the loudest and the longest are also the ones who drink the most liquor out back of the barbecue joint."

GOOD for them!

I've come to think that a keen enjoyment of things is the most spiritual of attitudes.

I have many wonderful and well-intended religious relatives who are fond of telling me that it's all going to end someday and that the pretty clothes and pretty throw pillows will go with it. That's true for us, of course, in one way or another.

But I like to remind them of the glorious truth of what C.S. Lewis wrote in the Screwtape Letters, out of the mouth of demon Screwtape:

"He's [God's] a hedonist at heart. All those fasts and vigils and stakes and crosses are only a fa├žade. Or only like foam on the sea shore.

Out at sea, out in His sea, there is pleasure, and more pleasure. He makes no secret of it; at His right
hand are "pleasures for evermore". Ugh! I don't think He has the least inkling of that high and austere mystery to which we rise in the Miserific Vision.

He's vulgar, Wormwood. He has a bourgeois mind. He has filled His world full of pleasures. There are things for humans to do all day long without His minding in the least—sleeping, washing, eating, drinking, making love, playing, praying,
working, Everything has to be twisted before it's any use to us. We fight under cruel disadvantages."

Yeah, baby!

It's not to ignore the pain and the evil in a fallen world, to partake of the pleasures. I hope everyone enjoys the heaven out of them.

Happy new year!

heavy tweed jacket said...

The only problem with flying is that there's no fly through to McDonald's. I never leave your blog without a smile (sometimes a smirk) - so I feel like I'm off to a great start this year. All the best in 20-o-10 to you. (Been away. Sorry for the late greetings)

ADG said...

Brian...the Saab repair bill would equal the value of the car and with 124k miles on it-I can't repair it. The Audi might be a bit rich for my budget. I don't finance cars.

Cecilia Mc. ....I love CS Lewis and The Screwtape Letters is a fave.

Heavy Tweed....thanks and happy Twenty Oh Ten to you.

Kent said...

I've seen quite a few low-mileage '07 and later Saab 9-3 convertibles on Carmax. Most are priced in the low 20's...a bargain, IMO. If you liked your old car, why not just replace it with another?