Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Tennis Whites-A Protracted Discourse.

I like the decorum associated with white. Mark Twain seemed jaunty while swathed in it. There was a time when as a kid, I'd have to wear whites on the municipal courts in my hometown. Shut up.
Dr. W.G. Grace carried off the Cricket Whites scheme in good form. He’d have probably looked swell in a white General Practitioners jacket but the calling of G.P. was trumped by the cricket pitch. Not sure that he ever really practiced medicine. I am sure that he and Lord Hawke both refrained from entering the pitch in the same moment that professionals...you know...men who played for a wage...emerged. 
Tom Wolfe revels in pissing people off with white elegance. His counter-bohemianism in full.
And look at this guy. Toad has never looked more regal than this. What kind of shoes did you have on?
The U.S. Open would be marginally more elegant if a tennis whites only rule was in place…for players and officials. This poor lady redefines high waisted trouser induced celibacy. These trousers on a woman, coupled with either Crocs or Birkenstocks would pretty much seal the deal for me.
And sorry about the foot fault controversy Andy. Might the outcome have been different if you'da cleaned up a bit and donned maybe...whites? Whitey.
But would tennis whites influence crowd behavior? Tennis seemed to be one of the last bastions of “no fist-fights in the stands.” That would be until this punk decided to cock off on a seventy something year old man. The man was protecting the honor of his daughter—nothing more than I would do for LFG. Shameful. Granted, they were all a bit on the rough side...way up in the nosebleed realm but still...no excuse. 
So here’s a trip down tennis whites memory lane. What a fun looking bunch. They left shortly after this photo was taken and headed over to Hooters to drink beer and eat wings. 
Renee and Roger. France and Switzerland. Ashford and Simpson. Laurel and Hardy. Mickey and Minnie. Adam and Eve. Bill and Hillary. Starsky and Hutch. Hansel and Gretel. All of them would have looked fetching in white. Shut up. I'm bored.
I have nothing to say here. Nothing. Not a damn thing. Now give me a cigarette.
If you don't believe that physical power is the core strategy of sisters Williams, then go read The Art of War or something silly like that.
This is Tintin. And his older brother Stinky.
Fred Perry
Tony Trabert
And please. Let's just end this drivel with a stunning example of physicality. Nancy Kulp...better known as Jane Hathaway on The Beverly Hillbillies.

Onward... A.Whitey G.

20 comments:

Main Line Sportsman said...

Oh yeah...make 'em where whites at US Open...I agree completely. The players look like they are working at a car wash in those get-ups.
At Germantown Cricket where I play squash and the wife plays tennis...a club officer will politely boot yer ass if you show in a non-blanc ensemble for a game.
As for Tinman...did not know they had white togs only rules at those Army bases which he frequented.

Scott said...

I bet they didn't do that grunt thing back in the whites days.

Scott

ADG said...

MainLiner...yep. I attended a wedding years ago, I think, at Germantown Cricket.

Scott...I like the grunt thang. Reminds me of my Aunt Tootie.

Richard M said...

Stinky+ Bill Tilden. Agree with whites, a la the Merion Cricket Club and the Racquet Club of Philadelphia as well.

Nelle Somerville said...

By my don't the gents behind the celibate ump look dapper. ADG, this is a feast for my eyes. I played tennis in high school and college and begged for an all white uniform at both schools. My husband was over the moon upset when he had to wear whites at Army Navy for a doubles match, but it does my heart good. So glad these old school rules still apply in our neck of the woods. NE1410S?

The Lost One. said...

More tennis skirts and long tan legs, less blokes running about with rackets, regardless of what they're wearing.

Sorry, what was this all about? Tan legs, right?

Good God. She's divine. Pass that deck of cigarettes.

Fantastic.

Memphis88 said...

That older gentleman should never have left his seat other than to get security to toss the younger idiot. Although, all three should probably have been made to leave. Instead, he gets up and grabs the guy by the head causing both of them to lose their balance and fall down a couple rows. Who is that woman that rendered you speechless and in need of a smoke? Looks like I need to start watching more women's tennis.

Lucky Dog / The Commish said...

A great post, as always. Two comments:

1. Toad pulls off the white linen much better than Wolfe pulls off wearing his white dinner jacket. Toad looks like a gentleman in a white suit while ol' Tom looks the fop, headed out at midnight to The Jaguar Club in his '87 clapped out Olds Ciera. Quality fabric, quality workmanship, I know, but damn...and that hat! Reminds me of the time back in my men's clothing days when a woman called asking if we had a "white felt tip hat."

2. Maybe a question rather than a comment: why does Renee's big croc look so cool and natural while Ralph Lipschitz's oversized pony and rider looks so...blatant? That polo mallet looks like it's about to swing right through that poor woman's nip.

Great blog!

Best Regards,
LD
aluckydoglife.blogspot.com

Laguna Beach Fogey said...

Superb post as usual, ADG.

Tennis has indeed deteriorated. Even at the low-level amateur levels, where I am, the pettiness and lack of professionalism amongst the players, especially the women/housewives (!), has surprised and disappointed me.

But it's indicative of the general 'dumbing-down' of society. People are devolving into apes. We're all savages now.

It's the NBA/NFL ethos extended to tennis.

Perhaps there should be certain requirements imposed on prospective tennis players, such as bloodline, amount of assets, land owned, etc.

'Fist fights in the stands'??!!! I'm telling you, this would never happen at a LAWN BOWLING match.

http://www.lagunabeachlawnbowling.com/

Anonymous English Female said...

ADG - Toad looks MAGNIFICENT. And look at the fine hat he's holding! Bet he's not wearing crocks.

James said...

Damn, that Toad is an incredibly distinguished looking gent!

Anonymous said...

White or go home on the court.
Period.
Simple enough, yes?

Now about the suiting....there are those who wear white exceedingly well (i.e. Toad, Gatsby & Co., Hemingway)
Then there is that gelled up Rick Pitino (he obviously employed slippery hair product making his hair unnaturally immobile, too) in all his smarminess donning a white suit.

I have raging visceral feelings about white suits...wear a white suit and someone may remark "Oooo, very Evelyn Waugh" or "Ooo very Mark Twain" or if you are unfortunate, "Ooo very Puff Daddy"......again, if you are lucky possibly a "Ooo, very Tom Wolfe".....But not often does someone coo "Oooo, very good looking"

Really, the thing about a white suit is that they never really seem to belong entirely to you - as though they are always on loan - a rental, more hotel than home - and typically miserably distracting.

But that's just me.
No mistake, when I spot a gentleman working a white suit the way it's meant to be - it takes my breath away.
To the tiny fraction of gentlemen who own the room when they wear one, carry on......you are a rarity.

Toad said...

I'm certainly not going to get into a contretemps with Wolfe. Tommy learned from Mark that white suits piss people off, big.

Mark had to wait until his wife died to make it his trademark look, Wolfe took up the mantle early, and maybe, just maybe helped to keep white suits alive, at least away from the gulf coast.

Preppy 101 said...

What I love about Wimbledon: White. xoxo

NCJack said...

The stands incident reminds me that some years ago the US Golf Open was held at a New York club, and an official said later that they never planned to have the event within commuting distance of NYC again. The Tennis Open is stuck up there

I'm sure that at The Masters they'd have politely escorted the miscreants off the premises...then shot them.

RHW said...

Oh, what a lucky, lucky tennis ball.

Patsy said...

My uncle was on the Davis Cup team with "Big Bill" Tilden, back in the day, like waayyy back in the day.......

Easy and Elegant Life said...

Toad wears it well and is an inspiration to us all.

Bring back tennis whites. And the croquet pitch while we're at it.

Death Bredon said...

Of course, Toad was shod in bright orange crocks (a/k/a bricks) -- just to piss everybody off! ;-)

Anonymous said...

White white whiteys

Do any of yall know how to pétanque? Forget lawn fucking bowling and bocce. We're talkin' METAL balls now !! How many of you have them? Les boules, that is ..................

SFBay Area

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails