Saturday, April 23, 2011

The Jay Kos Acrostic

My
Sister
Found
Another
Napkin…
...acrosticates the most significant remembrance of my brief Jay Kos foray earlier this week. While two well behaved ten year olds sat quietly, I hurried through the giveaway sizes in the hundred- dollar-pant-pile. Tons of great stuff remained in waist sizes 35 and up but pickings were slim down in the sexy middle aged man sizes. I was able to pounce on one pair of top/western pocketed linen trews that of course, I do not need. I paid up and my fillies and I were about to exit but then an undeniable circumstantial thang percolated.
The twee little acrostic above introduces my Northampton Home Run…an Edward Green pillage of estimable value…quantifiably justifiable…leastways in my little mind. So let me spill the mnemonic beans…
Monk
Straps
For
Almost
      Nothing …
...well, pretty darn close to nothing. As the girls decamped their perch and I thanked the Kos-ettes for the fun banter and hundred dollar trousers, I spotted a brown suede contrivance on the shelf. And wouldn’t you know it, they were just my size. Showroom sample shoes and retail display shoes are often my size. When I lived in Montclair NJ years ago, all of the Ralph Lauren sample shoes made by Baker-Benjes were dumped in a shoe repair shop about a mile from my house. I used to hang around that place like an OCD laden stalker. But I digress.
It would have been a moral failing to not buy these Edward Green babies. Even on the cusp of my maiden George Cleverley appointment in a few weeks. These suede monks retail for just south of a grand. If you’ve never worn a properly sized, off the shelf shoe from a Northampton maker, please do so before you die. Which by the way…again…is May 21st of this year.
“So how much are they now?” I axked. Two hundred clams and a ten dollar UPS Ground charge later and the three of us were out the door. At a couple of Benjamins, even if I’d bought an identical pair the day before at full retail, they’d still have to accompany me back to Old Town Alexandria. If that had been the case, I’d have simply lain the chocolate suede puppies down beside the Bordeaux in the cellar (read…kitchen corner…on the floor…under the liquor trolley) and called them up years later when needed. Oh and by the way, don't call Kos and try to do any phone shopping or inquiring about the availability of similar bargains. These were the last pair and had been their display shoe for quite some time.
Had the E.G. offer been some type of brogued lace-up, I’d have passed even at a double Benjamin. I love my brogued ghillies but they become anything but restrained with their Dainite soles and tasseled laces.
Ghillies are neither fish nor foul...especially when worn with Flusser Fish Socks.
Monks too...are neither fish nor fowl and are fuzzy enough for all ADG occasions. I slept in these one night. These only. And we are still marveling at how I navigated my jeans over two monk speed bumps. It’s amazing what one can do amidst a craving or a crisis. Note the Jethro Bodinesque swagger above. Double Naught Spy rigging...so that I'll blend in.
Monks are as dressy as anything I’ll ever require and easily make the transition to jeans. Hell, I’ve even worn them with shorts.
I’m not sure that my iPhone (shut up) photos adequately illustrate the difference between the Edward Green monks and my Faconnable monkeys. The retail price difference is about triple and the real difference, other than the understated, less burnished buckle and the sleeker last, is the feel. I can’t photograph “feel”…at least not in ways that will allow me to post the pictures here.
“Faconnable”…ever heard a Southerner try to pronounce that word? Actually, I think Southerners should be banned from trying to say it. First Amendment be damned. “Fashion-knob?” Please.
My monk lineup includes from back-left clockwise (that would be from the upper left corner moving right...for you South Carolinians)... the Leather Soul Alden Algonquin monk strap fuzzy love-child in Whiskey Shell Cordovan, an Allen Edmonds double monk brown suede contrivance, my old, beat-up pair of Fashion-Knob standards and now my E.G. two-Benjamin spoils. Nice.
Onward…pre-Eastering it with LFG on amidst our last two Spring Break days.

ADG, II … Monk...and Double Naught Spy.

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

You could have had purple ( I see purple in the pics below) and you bought brown?


I guess this is what they mean by the New Austerity.

A. C(arolina) Rustic

ilovelimegreen said...

ADG, dare I ask how many pairs of shoes you own?

You deserve a prize or award of some sorts for creative incorporation of the word "damn" as a syllable into various words.

Enjoy your time with that lucky LFG.

pittsburghprepster said...

You should just professionally sell these. You make a girl want a pair for heaven's sake! Love the flick too! Hilarious! Great Post!

T said...

Fashion-knob.

Yep. You win.

Pigtown-Design said...

ahem... your white buck monks are feeling a bit left out of the line up. they'd be glowing next to these various shades of chocolate and cocoa.

yoga teacher said...

Don't worry, ADG. You've got more time than you think you do. My Guatemalan love-child assures me that the world isn't going to end until the Mayan calendar says it will on 12/21/12.

NCJack said...

Ya know, I think that about once a quarter we need a full frame, full length, full fuzziness shot with appropriate Flusserization and Gothamization....supplementary crotchital photogs optional (email me for info on what "white balance" means on your camera)

ADG said...

NCJack...I don't have no camera. These is all iphone pichurs. Interestingly, your comment set me to thinking. I haven't worn a full rig of sartorial combobulation in a while. Will do.

YogaTeach...whew. Glad to know.

MegTown...Baby (may I call you Baby?) it's still to messy weather wise to debut those babies. They deserve a post of their own.

T....Seriously, Southerners just flat out can't. Period.

PittsPrepster...I did a post on "girl shoes" that included a pair of monk straps. It bombed.

LimeGreener...Profanity and pictures...huge crutches here on this blog.

AnonA.CarolinaRuster....I went STRAIT for the purple and the orange ones. Two thangs...One....LFG started hollerin' at the orange ones and all of the "colored" ones were still full price. I reckon Kos believes that when he gets into his new place in the SoHo that the fruit flies down there will buy them and he's prolly right.

Flo said...

"'Faconnable'…ever heard a Southerner try to pronounce that word?"

Trying to teach Southerners French is easy if you break it down phonetically for them and attach some story along the way. Fuh-Sun-Nuh-Bluh

Fuh - son, take off yuh shoes cuz the carpet it ain't paid fuh

Sun - sunbitch ain't got roun to paying fuhduh still nether

Nuh - momma, can i keep nuh shoes on if I take muh socks off

Bluh - they say the firs bluh to the haid tookim down

Anonymous said...

ok, this post is so over-done with ADD (not ADG) side bars that it required re-reading a few times. it's a bit much...shut up.

nice shoes from kos.

ADG said...

Flo...I'm sorry I started the acrostic now!


AnonOverdone...I totally agree. The fact that I'm at the end of my blogging juju has been met with my feeble attempts to contrive stories with little substance and a ton of overwrought, sophomoric twists. Duly noted.

Anonymous said...

i love that you can take a bit of ribbing. keep blogging- your juju is NO WHERE NEAR approaching its end.

Flo said...

"I'm sorry I started the acrostic now!"

Aw honey, since you asked if we'd ever heard a Southerner pronounce Faconnable, I thought a little pronounciation tutorial was in order showing how Faconnable becomes fuh-son-nuh-bluh. That's all I done. I would know since I'm from down these parts.

"your juju is NO WHERE NEAR approaching its end."

Anon 10:04 has redeemed hisself, he happens to be right this time, so don't get no notion about sabbaticals.

SouthernProletariat said...

I'd read your blog just for Flo's comments. FUNNY!

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