Friday, June 10, 2011

White Meat and Madras

I may have, at least in my opinion—the only one that counts—arguably the best Go-To-Hell pants oeuvre accumulated. I’ve crowed about them before. Usually about this time of year…far enough into the sunnier days to have layered on a respectable patina of tan...I bring them out. “Patina of Tan”…sounds like a potentate from South Asia.
Anyway, here’s an already known-to-me fact that as summer 2011 surfaces, seems magnified one hundred fold. If you don’t have at least trace elements of a suntan…then madras, linen and most certainly, any of the edgier summer togs…batik, paisley…you know…the stuff that might get your ass beat if worn in unaccepting environs, looks like crap. The so-bad-for-you vitamin-D provoking, melanin teasing, ten years older looking than you are; ultra-violence, is THE secret sauce for making one’s summer togs pop. See above.
Butcept I won’t be popping with aplomb this season. That damned dermatologist I saw month before last might be saving my life and my hide but she’s effing with my dermal disposition. Shut up.
Patch madras, about which by the way, I've proffered no rules and regs for this season, looks like crap when your limbs are almost pale to a blue translucent level. I learned this last weekend at LFG’s soccer game.
And linen fares no better. Two inch cuffs are required but two inch turn ups hovering over ankles of the same hue create unwanted monochromatic sameness. And socks? With linen or madras or paisley trousers? Just shoot me now.
There are a few occasions when socks are ok with linen trou but the concession criteria are rigorous. Above I offer an example for your guidance. You can PayPal me.
And don’t even offer me the alternative of something spray-on. Even I, the foppish philanderer have a dandiacal breakpoint. Dandiacally pale...dermatically slippers.
The luminescence of one' ankles isn't even foreshadowed by the pimposity of blue and red suede Donald J. Plonker lug soled absurdities. Shut up. 

So here we go. Into the weekend...blessed...that at present, this is my biggest complaint.

Onward. ADG II


Anonymous said...

Everytime you think of getting tan just think of your health and that beautiful little girl. These are the types of things I have to remind myself of when I remember how thin I was when I smoked.... Aahhh. A twenty pound weight gain is worth being around for my children and so is being an albino.

Silk Regimental said...

Ten years ago when I had a boat, I'd come home almost purple some days being in the sun so long -- poking fate right in the eyes and saying "I dare you!" - but no more --- I can hardly stand the sun anymore - run for cover under a market umbrella (with a G&T) for safety.

Tan comes in a bottle these days - a nd maybe you can get it sprayed on. Hey, while you're at it, you could go blonde too!

Jane and Lance Hattatt said...

Hello ADG:
Pale and interesting, we are always, in the summer, to be found in the shade, whether clothed in linen, cotton or silk. We urge you, dear ADG, to do likewise!

Anonymous said...

hope to see you manana... tan or otherwisw.


T said...

Can't pity you at all on this one—my own coloration lies somewhere between "British Lop" and "pallid bastard", regardless of how much sun I get. What's the old saying? "Better to have tanned and lost than to never to have tanned at all."

ADG said...

T...I agree.

MegTown...the ONLIEST reason I've not confirmed yet is that I'm still in limbo re LFG issues. I'll let you know ASAP.

Hattatts...Agree but I don't have to like it. already know where I come in on the frosted hair thang.

Anon...Agree...don't have to like it.

Don Sutton said...

Believe it or not, I just had the same discussion with my dermatologist... and look like the original "white man" or "pale face"...and why is it that my ankles look sooo much whiter than my wrists..? If you come up with a viable solution, please share it.

Anonymous said...

I will see your gth trousers and raise you gth jackets. Sure, you may still be able to wear yours from twenty years ago, but I have been a-buying. I am honestly afraid to count how many different embroidered motifs I now have- skulls, lobsters, birds of the air, beasts of the field, rude solids, dangerous patterns, etc. Beavers, hula girls, cocktail shakers? no brag, just fact.

I have never heard of anybody having skin cancer on their ankles, but maybe I wasn't paying attention. You can always get dyed or tattooed. Or do like I do and wear tan socks.

When I was a lad, I would sometimes go out in one red and one green canvas topsider. Red Right Returning!

Claude Levy-Pants

Anonymous said...

Are you saying ADG, THE OTHER OTHER white meat?

Speaking of gth trousers ( and shouldn't we be?) have you seen any new made challis ones lately? I know Chipp used to offer them and Ralph had some in the old old olden days... Wrong time of year, but they did come to mind.


Town and Country Mom said...

Jergens lotion (or mousse)works and is cheap. The mousse is less scented. Stay out of the sun, but no socks.

Scott Alexander said...

I greatly enjoy these summer posts showing off your GTH gear. I picked up some old shoes today from Gattopardo, Vanguard and Mancuso. Know anything about those? Google's been no help.

Sincere thanks,
The Cable Knit Collegian

CeceliaMc said...

I love the linen pants, socks, and shoes!

Very young Marlon Brando!

Actually, color matters most with the melanin deprived, rather than weight or texture.

Saturated linens and jewel-tone batiks... sarongs, halters, 40's era inspired shorts, 50's inspired sundresses, kit the milk types out fine for the season.

Anonymous said...

Tan - pale - besocked - it doesn't matter - you've got one damn sexy pair of ankles.

Luke said...

Damn. Sold out.

ADG said...

Luke...un-effing believable! People marvel and my resourcefulness re finding obscure stuff online...but how in the heck did you unearth that Sky Mall esque thang?

AnonymousSexyankle...Spanky, great to hear from you my man!

Cecelia...More like a young Robin Williams over here. and yes, I too love my halters and sarongs and sundresses.

Scotty old sport....I know nothing of the shoes you mention but I'll snoop around. I trust that all is well with you.

Town and Country's just gonna take me a while to get used to the pasty look. Jergens....when I was a kid, my mom slathered herself, and us when we needed some kinda slickety treatment, with it.

MephistopYoPants...ahh...wool challis motif trousers...damn fine stuff and the looms on which that stuff is made are narrow, persnickety and therefore yield expensive me. I haven't seen any lately. But I have a KILLER pair that Flussman made for me 10 years ago. My only regret is not having had the same material done up in a sportcoat.

Claude-Levy-Pants...and you live in GROUND ZERO land for getting one's ass whipped when wearing said kit. Well not exactly ground zero but as you know...30 miles in any direction and it's trouble. And foot cancer? Bob Marley would be my go to example. He thought he broke/sprained his big toe kicking a soccer was melanoma...we know how that one ended 3 years later.

Scale Worm said...

It is those damned genes again.
Acral lentiginous melanoma is observed on the palms, soles, under the nails and in the oral mucosa.[3] It occurs on non hair-bearing surfaces of the body which may or may not be exposed to sunlight. It is also found on mucous membranes. Unlike other forms of melanoma, acral lentiginous melanoma does not appear to be linked to sun exposure. Life is short. I like the sun (when we occasionally see it out here), I like good alcohol, i like driving,I like meat, and I love your blog.

CeceliaMc said...

"yes, I too love my halters and sarongs and sundresses."

Well, hell with you then. You're probably in Bactine withdrawal and overstating the case anyway.

One word-- Damian Lewis.

Pale, pasty, rock out ANYTHING.

Anonymous said...

Aw Max, we done cut our teeth on "the content of your character means more than the color of your skin," and remind me never to read The Daily Beast again, some damn writer over there dared compare MLK to Weiner, anything to score a damn click. Dollars for clicks -- the new online economy. No I did not click. Hope you're in Bal'd'mer kicking up some fun. That, or kicking around with LFG. Cheers.

ilovelimegreen said...

Now ADG, I am not one to be offended easily; however, when you declare that "Patch madras... looks like crap when your limbs are almost pale to a blue translucent level", you have managed to insult this girl who has proudly stayed out of the sun for the past thirty years but still wears quite a bit patch madras each and every summer and it certainly doesn't look "like crap".Stay out of the sun -your skin will love you!(I can't say the same about wearing white without a tan -or even with a sunburn.)

(I don't know how many umpteen times it has taken me to post this coent- I think Blogger or whatever was just as cantankerous last time I commented.)

Young Fogey said...

Those are. The UGLIEST. Pants. I have. Ever. Seen.

In my life.

Truly, they can stun small animals at 50* paces.

*Pronounced "fiddy."

Incidentally, the last shot looks like each leg is wearing a different trouser.

Your new pimp shoes would be even better with platform soles.

Anonymous said...

lets get to the good part...what are those blue shoes???GinnywiththehusbandwhowontwearhisBelgians!

ADG said...

Ginny...don't force the Belgians. If he's tentative about wearing them then it won't be good when he actually ventures out to wherever in them. I'm on the record about men needing to treat the Belgians like they own the hell out of 'em or if not, there will be trouble. And if they are a size 8 then just send them to the "ADG Belgian Rescue" in Alexandria Virginia. what? You know you'd wear 'em in a heartbeat. And the shoes are lugged soled ...almost platform esque ish.

LimeGreener...You and your peeps are an exception. Nobody expects pigment changes in Irishters.

Flo...never made it to Baltimore ....had some extry LFG duty and was glad to have it.

CeMac...BACTINE! Damn that was a flashback. Bam!

ScaleWorm....agree on the's all about balance.

Anonymous said...

sorry 9 1/2! but what are the blue shoes in the first pic..LOVE them!!ginny

Anonymous said...

Wait... are those jeans with a crease in that last pic? One who irons creases in jeans can no longer complain about backward hats.

ADG said...

Ginny...they are ten year old Polo Ralph driving shoes. Predictably, they debuted in blue,orange,yellow,green and red and predictably at about three hundred bucks. So predictably, I waited till the season was over and found them through an overstock/deadstock vendor the next year for ninety bucks. "Fake it till you make it". I always say. Bam!

ADG said...

Brohohohammasmon...Nope...they aren't starched/pressed jeans. They are Nantucket Reds butcept in blue. BAM!

Sir Fopling Flutter said...

Sorry I missed you in Bmore this weekend. I missed my chance to meet a legend of the Interwebs.

Young Fogey said...

The ewww pimp shoes? Me? I think not. I barely even loaf, and I never, ever bridle. Shoes with metal adornments look too much like the cheap ugly black loafers Japanese "salary-men" abuse.

But I would prolly wear the Nantucket Reds in blue—as long as I never, ever had to reveal that they were Nantucket Reds of any sort.

ADG said...

Fogey...The red ones are en route to casa Fogey right now. Actually, I could bring them. I'm speaking in Anaheim this week but it's gonna be a real quick there and back trip. Maybe next time.

ADG said...

Oh and SORRY that I missed the soiree this weekend. Daddy duty prevailed.

Brohammas said...

My faith has been restored, I'm standing down, go about your business.

Young Fogey said...

Anaheim is just a wee south of me, by only five hours or so. I'm sure you can squeeze in a quick side trip in your rental Yugo. I'll take you to In-N-Out Burger—my treat!

Laguna Beach Fogey said...

The first photo is a classic. You do rock the GTH trousers. But why aren't they cuffed...?

You're in Anaheim? WTF?! I sense something. A presence I've not felt since...

Easy and Elegant Life said...

Where can I find a pair of batik trousers in this day and age?

Sunburnt and sockless in Richmond.