“Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "Travel Kit...Again": Battenkill luggage is for the sportsman. If you're not toting a double-gun or a fly rod with it then you're posing. And even then, you're missing the boat because Simms makes a better product for that purpose. For business travel, Tumi is the road warrior's choice because it's well designed and indestructible.”
Well thanks for the update, Sporty Road Warrior. You’ve called me out and put me right where I belong…in poseur land. It’s interesting that neither Hulme nor Orvis have a vetting process in place to assure that their goods go exclusively to the double-gun/fly rod toting crowd. Perhaps Simms, your choice for such things, runs a tighter commercial ship than the cats who source me my stuff.
And Tumi? It is virtually indestructible. So much so that I understand they offer refunds, replacements and guarantees that are second to none. I wouldn’t know first-hand because I wouldn’t be caught dead with a piece of Tumi luggage. Then again, what do I know? It seems that all of your information and rules-customs would only be known to those high falutin’ Sportsmen and Road Warrior cliques. Perhaps I’ll be less ignorant of Road Warrior choices when I become one. Maybe when I become a real business traveler, the Tumi Troops will recruit me. How many nights out per year must one have to avoid Tumi poseur-essence?
Tumi is durable and it also reeks…of your gold bracelet and your Acme Distributors President’s Club ring…Mr. Eleven Time Winner with the cubic zirconia surrounding the fake center stone…one zirconia per win. I also get a waft of Tiger Eye pinky ring—when of course, you aren’t wearing your President’s Club ring. Even you know when to not over-overdo it. Tumi boy. I understand that other colors are now offered in addition to the standard Tumi black. It makes no difference to me. The Tumi taint is irreparably seared into my psyche. In black...Nylon noir. Shut up.
Tumi is the spandex biking short of luggage. Functional and ugly as shit. Tumi says Hilton Honors Points bragger and Airline VIP boarding preener—with a holster for your Blackberry. And Dockers…size 40x29…riding a tad high in the back…tucking just a bit into your ass-crack cul de sac while diving rapidly south in front…to accommodate your Tumi boy belly. The midnight buffet on the eleven President’s Club Carnival Cruise to Nowhere Award Trips has always been just too much for you and your wife to resist. “And the old lady loves it too” you’ve been known to declare. You call your wife “the old lady.” Classy, you. Just like your Tumi.
So here’s to you, Sporty Road Warrior…Tumi boy with a timeshare at Wildwood Crest…inappropriate business conversation on the phone haver while sitting on the tarmac. We’ve all loved listening to your only-you-know-what-they-mean company acronym laden too loud phone conversations while standing behind you and your Tumi(s), trying to get to our seat. Congratulations on getting the exclusive supplier contract for Sam’s Club and Costco. Everyone on the plane now knows about it. Something tells me that you, the old lady and your Tumi(s) are headed for President’s Club number twelve.