Houndstooth-Biologics and The Kama Sutra

Our fourth quarter generally slows down to a crawl by Thanksgiving but this year our homestretch is anything but calm. Based on the economic climate of the world-as my buddy Puerto Rykken says… “the world as we knew it has blown up” …I am blessed to have a manic final run.

Mania this week sees me in New England twice and Philly in between. I get dizzy looking at the flights-rental car reservations and hotel destinations. God help me when I assemble receipts at the end of this week. The points are nice but are hard earned. Business travel is anything but glamorous so the eight hundred thousand American Express points I had a few years ago have at least one lost hair and one gray hair to accompany each of them.

I always go into cold weather kicking and screaming but this week I only mustered a yelp when I rolled out a wool sportcoatfor the first time . My optimism tells me that we’ll have another round of moderate weather before the wool gear has to be worn full time so no need to howl quite yet.

Flusser cream and brown houndstooth. Three-Two roll…Brethren inspired open patch breast pocket and flap pockets. Difficult to see in the photos but welted seams finish this one. Almost forgot-this is a rare exception to my ADG house model-notch lapels.

 Here’s a 1990 Bergdorf promo piece with Flusser wearing a similar version of said jacket along with light gray flannels. Dig the suede two eyelet George Cleverly bespoke shoes-made when Cleverly was still alive. Those shoes are sitting in my closet-Alan gave them to me right about the time that LFG was born.

 Travelling light requires shoe discipline-one pair for the week. Brown suede monk straps.

Day one-yesterday saw me accompany this rig with bulletproof cavalry twill Flusser trousers. Gotta tell you-if you have to pick a durable fabric for business travel-cavalry twill is it. This stuff will outlast me-no doubt. And no dumbass that's not the carpet in my home-I'm at the airport.

 Monochromatic monogram opposite the fifth button-no breast pocket. My old buddy Toad used to say that a man who monograms his shirts is a man that to him, is of no consequence. That makes my shirt drawer a no consequence clearing house times thirty or so. 

Don’t monogram your shirt cuffs-it’s too predictable. Shut up.

My New England jaunts find me working with a company that offers biotechnology derived interventions for Multiple Sclerosis-a very chauvinistic disease. My sister and mother both have lupus-another disease that seems to pick on girls more than boys. I pray every night that LFG does not receive the genetically gifted affinity for lupus-not that God hears those kinds of prayers.

So I finish one meeting yesterday and rush to the airport for Philadelphia-more chauvinistic healthcare market segment consulting-contraception and hormone replacement therapies. Not quite as dramatic as last week’s oncology work or the MS biologics from yesterday but important. I discovered the importance of hormone replacement for perimenopausal women as well as those right in the throes of that beast. I remember my mom attacking me with a topsider one day when she was hot-flashin. Scary.

I stow my carry on stuff and realize I have nothing to read during my next flight. Retrieving one of my bags is out of the question so I settle in with a copy of Sky Mall magazine. I start trippin’ every time I read the thing. I swear that the people who contrive this shit have to be paying someone off. It’s the false claim-false advertising hall of fame. Please-someone tell me that you’ve bought stuff from this catalogue and that it was a good decision.

 Two items caught my attention in the midst of all the tchotchke therein. First we have Topik. Folks it’s freakin’ spray paint for you bald head. I’d love to have all of my curly hair back from twenty years ago-I’m still holding on to most of it but please-if you see me swathed in trad wrappings head to toe-kitted out second to none but sporting hair paint, just shoot me on the spot. 

I’m assuming also, that some of those little fortifying fibers are gonna end up on your shoulders and probably on your plate during some love connection date. I’m gonna try Suede Renew instead.

I’m not kidding when I tell you that fifteen seconds after reviewing this next product-I went straight to Jesus and asked him to forgive me. With that out of the way though, I have to attest that I can’t possibly be the only one who sees clearly what the other uses are for the “Body Back Buddy”. ... and I'm not talking crowd control riot stick either. This thing just flat our scares me. Here’s what Sky Mall says about this miracle stick…

"Our most popular design reflects years of feedback from massage therapists, chiropractors, and physical therapists. With 11 therapy knobs, (eleven mind you) the Body Back Buddy stimulates in between muscles and pinpoints trigger points for a more finely-tuned treatment. This portable massager combines the best of the Body Back Buddy features for those who want the ultimate self massage tool."

Eleven “therapy knobs.” "the ultimate massage tool"... I almost swallowed my snuff right then and there. Ok, I’m sure that you can hit some hard to reach spots with this thang-back massage wise. However, let’s be honest here-you can also knock out pages one through seventy eight of the Kama Sutra with this baby-no help needed-and that’s just wrong. I’ll also declare something that I know others have surmised but are just too uptight to admit-some of those Kama Sutra suggestions are just plain silly and seven of them are downright dangerous. I know.

I’m not big on too many federal laws but in the interest of preserving the value of men-I suggest that the Federal Government ban the Body Back Buddy at once. The Kama Sutra should be regulated at the State Government level-similar to the method used to restrain the free market activities of health insurance companies. I’m just looking out for all of us.

And today I did so in moleskin trousers from Cordings. BB gator belt with slide buckle and an Eagle button down university striped shirt from Steinmart. All of which predate the birth of LFG. As a matter of fact everything in this post does. Trad is timeless folks.

Onward-with your Back Buddy-ADG