Saturday, December 26, 2009

The Week in Review from Renaldo Lackapoopoo.

LFG and I trust that your Holiday is going just as you want it and that you’ve scored tons of good loot! We are headed to South Carolina and the land of minimal high speed options so this post might be the only one for a while. I figured I would recap this crazy week and finish up with Santa’s visit to the Casa.

We had tickets to the almost sold out Rockettes Christmas Show last Saturday at Verizon Center in downtown D.C. The Christmas spirit was already upon us-having our tree in good form and presents accumulating underneath according to plan. But the Rockettes show was certain to send us over the Christmas Spirit edge. Butcept for the snow.

We took the train over to Verizon center. Tentatively optimistic about the performance after learning that they would indeed perform-even though the weather exquirts were calling for almost two feet of snow by early evening. No worries-as long as the trains run we can get home. LFG and her neon yellow retainer bundled up for the ride over and the great performance by those leg kicking gals.

The performance was superb even though only a hundred or so of us showed up for it. Most people had better judgement. We then get word that the trains are only running to and from the underground stops. We are hosed. Eight miles away is the Casa and we have limited options regarding how to get there. I’m not too worried about me-I’ve walked farther than that in the snow before-when my craving for a woman trumped my fear of the cold. LFG can’t walk that far though.

The lusty crusty man in me marveled at the physical specimens performing for us. May I just get this out of the way quickly? …. These girls could crack walnuts in those butts…amazing. Ok, I’ve said it. Heavenly derrière. The middle aged man in me says that they probably travel with chiropractors and physical therapists….seriously…these girls are athletes.

Amazing that Jesus made the cut!

And I'm glad to know that the little fella from the Austin Powers movies has found more work. It's all good.

The plot thickens by five in the afternoon. We hear from our friend RW, a clinical psychologist who lives with her family over two hours from DC but who sees patients in DC 2-3 days each week. The snow has essentially shut down our city and she can’t get home. No place to stay…stranded…we take her in. But in where? None of us can get home so I decide if we are going to be stranded we should do so at Union Station. Bathrooms-options for dining…we can get there because the metro stop is underground. Makes sense to me.

By now it’s cocktail time and LFG and I have to wait for RW to make her way to Union Station. One restaurant remains open so we grab a cocktail and a bite. Story of my life....blondes...cocktails...poor vision ends up costing me money...every time.

I wanted the dancing girl with the fly up-spinning dress. LFG voted me down.

Home? I’m thinkin’ we ain’t gonna get there. People who have rolled into DC via Amtrak are standing in the cab line but there are no cabs. Seriously, I’ve resigned myself to the fact that we will be sleeping-along with five hundred others-at Union Station.

Alas, the usual twenty dollar ride cost me a well spent and well deserved hundred bucks. Two college kids approached me and asked where we needed to go-after sorting them out a bit I concluded that it was a safe bet to roll with them in their very nice Jeep 4WD buggy-in which they were tracking to make about two grand for their unlicensed livery rescue efforts. I love the free market and I loved getting home with LFG and our soon to be two nights house guest safely in tow. When was the last time you spent 48 hours with a Ph.D. Psychologist in your house? God only knows her conclusions about our operation over here. I sure don’t want to know!

Two feet of snow in our ‘hood means one thing only. Sledding at the Masonic Memorial at the top of King Street.

Great hill….dangerous descent and my child has no fear...except for the common house fly. And yes-before you ask-I DID go down a few times as well.

I've been all over this hill in the last twenty years but methinks I'll just watch from now on.

I'm fairly certain that I tilted my uterus and am almost convinced that I strained my uvula.

LFG also channels George III from time to time and talks to trees.

 Christmas for LFG is a double treat. Santa visits two homes…what luck no? No American Girls babydoll stuff this year. It's all electronics and clothes. Including horizontal socks!

And two radio controlled cars. Who asked Santa for these? Give me a break. I don't have a son-that I know of.

Oh...and Santa bought me a camera. Shut up.

Before the visit though-we always have Christmas Eve dinner with her mom. Instead of the usual holiday colors, I opt for Flusser black camel hair….three two roll…flap pockets with flap ticket…peak lapels. Tattersal vest-Brethren dress shirt-straight collar with collar pin wounds evident from twenty years of pinning it-butcept for tonight. Clip on collar bars are wrong.

And speaking of wrong-I wore Ralph boiled wool needlepoint slips. I agree regarding the issue of wearing someone else's initials on your clothes-silly as hell. Butcpet for when you get Purple Label R.L. slips on ebay for next to nothing.

So for tonight-I've changed my name to Renaldo Lackapoopoo.

Santa and Allie Summersverb...great name she's got no? ... Made certain that I got a great belt in my stocking.

But now I want the lighter one too. Allie....rationalization please.

LFG rolls in with her mom to view the loot and then the Wii games begin.

LFG whipping her mom...nice. It's obvious that I own antiquated electronics as evidenced by the paltry television set accomodating the new Wii. I don't watch television very much. Shut up.

I'm on the verge of horizontality after a great day!

Merry Christmas from Old Town Alexandria. We'll try to check in from South Cackalacky.


Rasputin said...

Santa brought you a camera- Hooray!!!

Don't be a tease- get the PhD to examine you and report the results- do a Rorschac- that should prove monumentally entertaining!!!

James said...

I can't imagine a more exciting Christmas adventure. She'll tell this story for years! You look very dashing old boy. I hope the rest of your holiday in SC goes well.

Suburban Princess said...

Yay for a new camera!
Any potential with the PhD?

It looks like you had a wonderful Christmas!

Lars said...

Cracking waistcoat!

However, I like those dancing girls better...

ADG said...

Lars...I'm right there with you old sport.

SubPrincess...still in the midst of a great holiday...PhD potential...hadn't considered it.


Rasputin...who said I didn't?

CeceliaMc said...

Is hanging the monogrammed Christmas stockings over the television with care... emblematic of the fuzzy dice thing?

The picture of mother and daughter engaged in...that video game thing.... is lovely and TRULY the essence of Christmas!

Kathy said...

Love the black and white photo. Congrats on the camera. I got a great one last year and I still don't know how to use all the bells and whistles. Have fun in SC!

Anonymous Texan said...

Glad you made back to la casa in fine fettle....muy trabajo. Have you every been to lodge atop Shooters Hill? Several generations of my family were members, W.M., etc.Lived on King, Lee, & South Royal. You know the dirt. Best wishes to you & your family for the New Year.

RWG said...


Never have I obtained Rorschach results quite like ADG's. My head is still spinning trying to interpret this within the Exner system.

Take a look at the blots, now published on Wikipedia, albeit ruining the validity of the test. I ask:

"What might this be"
Card 1:
ADG: A Flusser vest
Card 2:
ADG: Shell Cordovan Tassels
Card 3: Two men in bottle green blazers
. . .and so on and on til
Card 10: A Ralph Lauren pocket square. . .

What to make of it all? I seriously need some continuing ed.


Memphis88 said...

Looks like y'all had a great Christmas. As for the Rockettes, that middle girl has a superb behind and they do indeed travel with chiropractors and physical therapists.

By the way, I'll be ordering some Albert slippers for my birthday in a couple weeks. Being my first pair, do you think I should go with an unadorned pair, a monogrammed pair, or a pair with my family badge on them?

CeceliaMc said...

"What to make of it all? I seriously need some continuing ed.

RW, PhD"


Axis I or II? :D

Belle (from Life of a...) said...

Quite an adventure, Renaldo...and still you have the energy to lark out for SC. Watch out for trees across Hank had quite an adventure with one on the back roads of the lowcountry yesterday.

RWG said...


I'm thinking Axis II - pretty much untreatable personality issues. Honestly, I think we'll have to wait the long anticipated release of DSM-V and extensive further evaluation to know for sure.

CeceliaMc said...

Good plan, Doc.

Just don't "fix" him too thoroughly.

Quite a few fathers could use his sort of disorder, and as admirer of all things pretty (and poignant), I've been enjoying his tastes in just about everything.

RWG said...


I don't believe in fixin somethin that ain't broken.

And, I agree with you wholeheartedly.

Anonymous English Female said...

ADG - It's Santa who deserves a Rockette in his stocking for bringing you a new camera. Black camel hair is Brummell handsome. Waistcoat is dashing. Pocket square perfectly elegant. Even Ralph himself could take lessons.

CeceliaMc said...

"I don't believe in fixin somethin that ain't broken."

Oh, my god. That will never get you published.

Summer is a Verb said...

"Butcept" officially added to the ole repertoire, merci. And, why question the purchase of an additional Wiley Bros belt. Pshaw, we have brown AND black. Can't go wrong with too much of a classic. I've been sleeping in my new "H" belt...XXOO

ps...two thumbs up on the Christmas duds and elf socks.

Paul said...

The black and tattersall combo looks smashing and looks a bit Royal as well. Looks like a great Christmas at your house. Great post. Blessings!

Brian said...

Glad to see you guys got to play in the snow. I spent most of the snow storm traveling. It's great that you and LFG mom can get along so well I know how difficult that can be. Have a great time durring the rest of your holiday.

Oler in Baltimore said...

Great writing again and the "Summer" lady is correct; no such thing as too much of a classic. It's interesting how each neighborhood has "the" sledding hill. I know you have a Baltimore past - did you have the opportunity to sled down the hill behind Baltimore Country Club - true hair raising experience. What a great "Christmas night out" memory you created for your family. Who would have thought a SC kid would head out in a blizzard - keep up the good work.

RWG said...

CeceliaMc wrote:

"Oh, my god. That will never get you published"

Thank you for the grammer feedback, CeceliaMc, you've cleared up my confusion about why I had only three things published in 2009.

Scott said...

Say hey to your Mama and 'em.


CeceliaMc said...

Good lord, no, RWG.

Me presuming to correct someone's grammar would have the same result as me lecturing young children on the virtues of time management: lightning bolt flambe.

I was making a dumb joke about what gets buzz in the field.

tintin said...

Nothing like Old Town covered in snow with all those rear wheel drive BMWs abandoned on the side of the roads.

Thank goodness for the new camera but I have yet to see my can of Fiddle Faddle. Merry belated Christmas, Dust Off.

Easy and Elegant Life said...

What a Christmas Story! Glad it all turned out for the best. Look at that snow?! I bought my first car within sledding distance of the Masonic Memorial.

We saw the Rockettes too. My son (3 1/2) is in love with them. All of them. I am frightened for our teenage years.

Enjoy the holidays, ADG.(I'm jealous of your Christmas dinner rig.)

ADG said...

Rootin’-Tootin’ Rasputin…yep…we gots a new camera so hopefully my illustrations will be a bit less “artistic”. Sorry…there will be no psychological updates visa vis a Rorschach or any other venue.

Rasputin...who said I didn't?

CeceliaMc ...Yes re the fuzzy dice thang and indeed, Christmas is about civility and peace and relishing time with little people so to that end, LFG’s mom and I are good.

Kathy ...Thanks.

Anonymous Texan...Great little insight re Old Town and the Masonic memorial and yes, I’ve been inside the Lodge…the Sanctum Sanctorum the Holy of Holies. Happy Holidays to you as well.

Memphis88...I married the middle Rockettes last night. Regarding the Alberts….first, you are making the correct decision to go with the Albert since the vamp is slightly higher. Second, I don’t know your lifestyle and where you would wear them or how often you want to wear them. The safe bet is to order a solid colour unadorned, perhaps in black or burgundy suede. A discreet singe letter monogram would be the next step in bravery. And finally, velvet is the quintessential “I don’t give a damn” statement. One that I often make.

Belle...We are in Florence safe and sound.

AnonEngFem...Santa deserves not one additional Rockettes favour more than I do.

Allie Summersverb...I’m gonna get the “H” belt…after the new car.

Paul...Where the hell have you been? I hope that Christmas with your grandkids has been bliss.

Brian...Thanks man. I’m sure LFG’s mom would say the same that I say about the effort we each exert to make sure LFG sees two adults behaving appropriately towards each other. Drugs help too.

Oler...I never did sled behind BCC but I’ve haunted quite a few hills on the Eastern Seaboard. Happy Holidays to you and yours.

Scott ...My mama and all ‘em say hey back at you.

Tintin...Indeed, BMWs go from sugar to shit after one inch of dusting snow. My Saab is the perfect buggy for the snow butcept I blew the engine last week. We are car shopping at present. No fiddle faddle en route but your card should be there.

Elegantologist...Merry Christmas to you and yours. I’ll see you soon down in Rich.

Patsy said...

What a perfectly wonderful Christmas!

I have 2 questions - how on earth did you wear those RL slippers in 2 feet of snow? and how on earth do you have a 20 year old dress shirt?

EsseQuamVideri said...

Love "butcept"!