Saturday, January 29, 2011

The Dog Days of Winter…

…are here.
And no domicile should navigate the winter without Bag Balm. If forced to make a list of the Top Ten Survival Essentials, I’d  include baume du hootaire. Dermal unguentosity is obvious but Bag Balm could stand-in for bearing grease if you find yourself repacking the wheel bearings on your Range Rover somewhere between Coward and Lake City.  This stuff just stomps Vaseline’s as_.
Onward. Pasty, Balmed and Bagged. All two inches of me/my cuffs.

ADG II 
And speaking of pale...

16 comments:

Young Fogey said...

Wow--great pen! "Tell us a story 'bout that pen, Uncle ADG!"

Anonymous said...

Can you believe that a Californicator has Bag Balm in her apothecary? Bag balm. Yeeesh. There is something so rural about even knowing what it is and what it is used for. Only the livery are supposed to have knowledge of that shit.

Here's to your soft and supple bag, ADG. I KNOW you don't have no teats.

ADG said...

FogeyChild...No, no no. This is not about pens. This is a far reaching,provocative story about the brutality of winter and dry-cracked skin. Can't no pen story be the sequel to this award winner. It would debase the gravitas so apparent in my heart wrenching story about loss, longing and Belgian fag shoes.

Anon...nothing-nothing like balmy bags.

James said...

In my misspent youth I worked at horse rental place. I rubbed a lot of that stuff on animal parts I don't even want to talk about. Now about that pen......

CeceliaMc said...

It's funny you should mention that.

We've had hideous weather, even snow and ice, and I know I've gotten old because it doesn't exhilarate me like it used to.

I'm the very melanin deprived sort that Marilyn Manson goes for (I keep him in the back of mind, for if my husband ever trades me in for two twenties), and cold weather chaps my ass... literally... I've slathered from head to foot in every lotion and potion I can find on the market, and the absolute worst is Burt's Almond Handcreme.

Almond is my favorite scent, but this goes on smelling good and then turns to dirty socks as you rub it in.

So far, the best has been good ole Oil of Olay, generously applied.

I'll have to look up your balm and make sure it's for skin and not leather. I have a feeling that of the two, your biggest concern would be for the latter.

Laguna Beach Fogey said...

I'd like a plate of Belgians and red cords for breakfast, hold the hose. Lovely.

CeceliaMc said...

For your perusal, there's something about the dangerous dandified former street punk look that makes a woman's heart sing.

I'm in love with homeboy here:

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_OAh4Xl94vrU/TTSKtGHffrI/AAAAAAAAaYw/daccqocFxAE/s1600/tommy+ton+8.jpg

Flo said...

Bad Kiltie rubbed an evil Charlotte airport angry rash on poor ADG's ankle, ouch. Maybe a smidge of anti-inflammatory hydrocortisone cream along with that wheel bearing lube?

Pigtown-Design said...

i was on the sailing team at college and we sailed all winter long, even if it meant breaking the ice to get to the river. our yankee team advisor kept a tin of bag balm around and made us apply it to our faces so we wouldn't get windburn. brings back memories.

Hilton said...

ADG,
Pho Reston 75 in the Tall Oaks Shopping Center is the best: http://phoreston75.com/

~Hilton

Gretchen said...

Bag Balm is fantastic stuff, got hooked on it in college by my Yankee roomie. Used to have a cat that would go apesheets over it and bite my hands and feet, tho, so I got out of the habit of using it, much to my appendages' loss. Never try its weak imitation, Udder Cream. Nowhere near as good. Now, for your next trick, will you PLEASE make this cold weather go away??

Scale Worm said...

I just ignore the splits throwing a few bandages on my bloodied ends. I never liked any balms/skin creams/ointments (unlike Curly's one gloved hand coated in vaseline) as i am a bit of a hyper-sensitive type when it comes to skin coating products.
I do dig that two inch corded cuff...
I like your (Ikea?) stacked full book rack (I use 'em for LPs) acting as The Biblioteca Nacional de ADG. Cheers! as I am moving outdoors to hang with brother Apollo today, enjoying his traverse through the diurnal sky. Stay warm Sir.

ADG said...

Scale...you wouldn't be so scaly if you'd jump on the balm. The book racks are floor to ceiling...built in by a buddy of mine. You stay warm as well my friend.

Gretchen...I got nothin' re cold mitigating abilities...butcept for the single gals.

Hilton...too far away my friend! There's a great family owned place in Cleveland Park that's pretty good.

MegTown...Bag Balm and a Hot Water Bottle...BAM!!!

Flo...and a Stoli Martini...

Cecelia...that plaid looks a little too used car salesman ish for me.

FogeyLaguna...thanks man. You've got quite the aesthetic and $$$ investment in shoddings over your way.

Cecelia...Bag Balm is serious shit. And it doesn't smell good. Just FYI

CeceliaMc said...

"that plaid looks a little too used car salesman ish for me."

Yeah, I know! It simply rocks!

Lisa said...

I have the same Waterman fountain pen. Scary

Young Fogey said...

Your grand tale of pain and pathos in the harsh winter of the Southland moved me beyond words. The homo shoes are an added bonus.

Your gripping and eloquent narration of the agony of cracked skin made me think of the trials I have faced in my own winter of discontent here in Near Steinbecklandia. Heck, I had to scrape frost off of my windshield no less than three times this year!

And then I remembered that the only other person I've ever known who used Bag Balm was a kid in my fourth grade class who was dumber than two bricks.

Not that I'm comparing you two. Just a co-inky-dink.

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