Sunday, February 26, 2012

"There You Go Again"...The Jimmy Carter Clip-On

I thought I was done with this. Jimmy Carter had problems out the you-know-what by the time he debated Ronald Reagan in 1980. His a_s was toast and his campaign reeked of simply going through the motions. But the Carter Clip-On Collar Bar couldn't have helped one i-damn-ota during the televised debates with Reagan. Look at it...languishing well below the higher, appropriate point of cinched-up contact where its purpose should manifest. Even if it was "slide-ruled" all the way up, the result would be sub-par compared to the tie stance visual interest enhancing big boy pin-through version. Come to think of it, Presidents or Presidential aspirants shouldn't wear any kind of tie stance enhancing hardware. A tie-knot preen, even correctly contrived, might cause Presidential Gravitas attenuation.
Either pin it like this or not at all. I don't have to worry about Gravitas attenuation. I'm only a Vice President...in the private sector...in a small company...which means I'm also on any given week, Human Resources, Plumber, Auditor, Customer Service, Writer, Editor and Window Washer. Shut. Up.
You've heard me on this issue before. I’m weary of it and chances are most of you are too. Don’t make me have to address it again. If you own the slide/clip-on version—get up right now. Get up and locate it. And throw it in the trash immediately…this second. Now. And not in the little bathroom or bedroom wastebasket where if you change your mind after church today, you can retrieve it. Nope. Go straight away to the kitchen and shove it down in that large garbage can amongst last night’s casserole remnants and yesterday’s Greek salad lunch fixings…all of which must be rolled to the street tonight for pick-up first thing in the morning. Got it? Good.
Oh, and while you’re at it, toss out any of those little bo-bo cardigan sweaters that you might have languishing in the closet. And please, if you are wearing one while reading this, just jump out the damn window.
Sorry for the Sunday dose of tough love. But sometimes a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do.

Onward. With, from last night; systemic, Altoid proof, Greek salad breath. In a bo-bo cardigan. Till LFG tells me to take it off.

ADG the Two

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

What defines a bo-bo cardigan sweater? From regularly reading your blog, I now go into a cold sweat any time I encounter a beefroll loafer. I never cared much either way before. I blame you for that. Those cardigan sweaters can either make one look like Mr. Rogers, the Daniel Craig Bond, or some Ivy kid. Is this a delusion of mine? Do they make everyone look like a dork?

Anonymous said...

I was not a big Carter fan then or now, but let's face it. These days he would have a consultant or a focus group telling him not to wear the collar pin. The late 70s would have been the last time a guy could make that call for himself without some image enhancing going on.

I can't decide if Carter's subsequent life- small town Sunday school teacher and volunteer peacemaker- or for that matter, his earlier life- Navy man reverted to farmer-politician in a largely rural southern state, I can't decide if the collar pin was a momentary Washington Affectation or some kind of Unavoidable Manifestation of his past and future as they flowed through the late 70s. The whole sweater thing was part of what he made the mistake of calling the Moral Equivalent Of War (MEOW), his not quite cool enough effort at teaching us about energy conservation. And that worked for him about as well as the collar pin did.

And Reagan. Well, say what you will about him otherwise, he approached Presidential dressing about the same way Martin Sheen did- with an eye towards Central Casting and the wardrobe dept.
It's funny to think about, isn't it? Two governors running for president. Both had worn denim to work. One as a farmer, and one as a cowboy actor. Those days are gone forever.

Col. Sartoris

Turling said...

Jimmy Carter was one of the best President's our country has seen. He legalized home brewing. And, I stopped paying attention after that, so I don't count whatever disasters occurred subsequent.

And, I shoved my clip-on in the sludge remnants at the bottom of the fermenting bucket of my pale ale. No one will be touching it after that.

Patsy said...

My Lord, I've lead a sheltered life - I didn't even know they made clip on collar pins.

Young Fogey said...

Anonymous,

Cardigan sweaters can also make you look avuncular or paternal. On the older gentleman, they make you look grandfatherly. Dorkiness is in the eye of the beholder (though I've never seen a young'n who didn't look dorky in one).

Col. Sartoris,

Reagan also wore denim as a horse rider and ranch owner. He knew what colors worked well for him, but he could have used some advice on fit.

Turling,

Congress passed the law; Carter just signed it. All too often, we give presidents too much credit for the legislation passed—or not—during their terms.

ADG,

If a cardigan has suede elbow patches, does that make it fuzzy?

Anonymous said...

Are collar pins really worth the damage they cause to your collars?

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails