“Style anthropology can explicate a lot of otherwise tricky issues, in some cultures probably more than others. Sort of Like Water For Chocolate, only Weejuns...” LPC
I feel your pain. The Future Rock Star is 16 and mainly silent what with the [unidentified] burdens of life pressing him down all the time. Man, my fall from demi-god [at his age 6] has been a long one.Hang in. This is why God in his infinite wisdom made cocktails.ML
She'll come around ADG; if we could only get 4 years of silence from that fellow next to your monkstrap.
As you've met my daughter, it may not surprise you to know she was never silent. But there were years of the Disapproving Glare. It changed when she saw me at work. You could try bringing L. along to a presentation:).
My dear dear Max, please do not personalize what's going on inside that not-so-little-anymore-girl of yours. There are a pair of hand grenades she got born with inside that body, set to detonate at any minute, if they haven't already. What more precious gift than to have moved across town to give her a no-questions-asked place to crash, an easy place for silences to pass between you, to [as you wrote in that note you penned for her backpack] just "be." I would give up a lot in this world to be young again, but only if I'd be allowed to skip the years where she is right now. Tough on her. I hate that it's tough on you too. -Flo
Awe, man. Don't worry, they come back. And they come back in a big way-- bigger and better than when they were little. They share real opinions and formulate arguments which will impress the hell out of you. This is the cocoon phase and it is worth it. I know, I know, it doesn't make it any less painful as you are passing through--kind of like a kidney stone.-Gerard
Silence is better than the diatribes many kids regularly fling at parents. All part of the process my friend. I just visited my 18 yr old at UVM and she could not get enough of me....
What Gerard said...
I hear and understand all that each of you say. And really, if this is all that I have to complain about then I'm living a blessed life! But one lesson in all of this is reinforced. Either have more than one child. Or none.
She can't help it. It's hardwired. I can't remember much about being that age, but I remember that!
Remember George Costanza line..."it's not you, it's me". Same applies to daughters who reach a certain age. It's hArd because we are the same great Dads we have been for all their lives but they ain't the same little girls. Think changing to butterfly. Hard for us but necessary for them. They come back better than ever. Don't worry
I am not sure what sort of advice I might give you since I was the girl who walked right by my father when I would see him downtown and I was in the company of my friends during highschool. I do remember my father being startled when I finally acknowledged him one day.
speaking as one who hasn't any, I can tell you that the silence reserved for Mom's Boyfriend who doesn't measure up (i.e., any boyfriend at all) is not a bit more cordial. At least you developed an attachment before she turned out to be this way. And yes, she will change again. Walking that fine line between sucking up and doing everything she wants is tough. She will gladly let you know when you fail. Juan JunozPS, if you don't know it, try reading Philip Larkin's THIS BE THE VERSE and then remember how glad you are that you didn't heed his advice.
My oldest daughter is soon 14. I see early signs of what is said above ;)
Never had kids but I was one, probably not any different than LFG or you at that age, and I remember...Out of the blue, she'll ask you a serious question about how to handle some sort of problem, likely concerning "relationships". This is NOT the time to exercise your nonpareil skill at sarcasm, nor to condescend, great though the temptation may be. Everyone can have their big laugh later, about ten years from now. And keep it confidential
Okay, I re-read that and I sound condescending, but you know what I mean. It's easy to tease, and emotions are pretty raw in adolescence. I still remember getting blown off when I was really trying to learn something about life; didn't realize until later that maybe my folks didn't have any better answers than I did. Would've helped to know it wasn't just me.
NCJack...ABSOLUTELY no offense taken.And I DO accept your wisdom re leaving the sarcasm, wit and well intended whateverish energy out of the interaction--if and when that rare conversational moment avails. I'm already practicing it...the governing/governance of my energies and enthusiasm when I DO get the chance to engage with her. I suppose its good scrimmaging for when she sincerely wants to hear my thoughts. In 2018.
Take a Saturday afternoon ceramics class together. Engage in an art form you know little about-- thus the journey begins of learning something together. Plus, you get to interact with complete strangers and bond and the playing field is level.
AnonSaturdayCeramics...Listen, I DO appreciate your suggestion. But trust me, my child ain't gonna take any Saturday class with her daddy. Rest assured.Oh...you are suggesting that I take such a class by myself if necessary??
sign up one of her friends too. Or visit the studio. let her think it was her idea. O K. Take the class at night.
Thank you for this reminder. My kiddos have been quite loud. lately, and vying for my attention, yelling at each other over who gets to talk first. I find myself growing weary over it, but I know I need to relish these moments. All-too-soon that will change and I won't be able to get a peep out of them. Hope you are well!
Almost forgot this little gem of remembrance to brighten your day: when she's just getting out of the eye-rolling/shrugging/grunting phase, she'll start college and come home to tell you that all of your social, political and other opinions are wrong..wrong..wrong!!Enjoy!
Funny - my daughter never went through a silent stage until now that she's leaving home (27 and getting married). Funny - I want to talk all the time because she's leaving. A trick I learned, perhaps manipulative, is to become quiet. It gives her the lapse she needs and then she comes around. God I'm gonna miss her. I thought they just gave her to me in the hospital yesterday. It went too quick. You're doing fine with her if you let her have her silence (and her tears whenever they come). Mother of Whole Happy Woman,Donna
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