Sunday, January 10, 2010

Winter Scar-fuzz and Rudolph-Wilma That Is

LFG put the final touches on her Wilma Rudolph book report this afternoon. Rudolph overcame polio and all the institutional prejudices that a young black woman in Tennessee would face in the 1940’s to become a thrice Gold Medal Track and Field Olympian. Blue or black ink in cursive was the requirement for our Rudolph retort.  Do you have any idea how many times this child had to start over? She was in tears shortly after I snapped this picture. We both thought that the third time would be charming-what with daddy double checking the spelling and the little author agreeing to a couple of editorial changes. We finally got it but the journey was rocky.

LFG couldn’t say scarf when she was a tiny little thing. She said scar-fuzz and it was cute. Almost as cute as I was when this picture was taken by the former Mrs. Minimus many, many moons ago. I was courting LFG’s mom at the time and you can see in my facetious eyes that trouble was a brewin’ on this particular night. Good trouble. Fun trouble. We were staying at this really neat bed and breakfast somewhere near Charlottesville and we’d already had  a cocktail or two when I decided to step out on to the Jacuzzi kitted back porch of the little summer kitchen ante-house we were bunking in. The main house was lovely but the little outbuildings that had been converted into separate quarters were really cool. Come on people-as much ambience as one might discover in an 18th century mansion now converted to a B&B-it’s a little bit challenging to get as jiggy as you want to with those thin walls and creaky floors. This was not a problem out in the summer kitchen.

Folks, there’s a reason that they put the little warning under the Jacuzzi switch. Champagne, cigars naked fiancé’s and two hundred million degree bubbly water flying out of those jets can become a mood buster rather fast. We almost visited the emergency room at UVA that night-it wasn’t me-it was the future missus. How was I spose to know that Kama Sutra number three hundred and eighty two was contraindicated in water?

Now the thing that I do not intend to do in this post is give any kind of tutorial regarding how to tie a scarf. I kind of approach scarf tying the same way I do the loading and positioning of a pocket square in the breast pocket of a sportcoat. The more you study it-the more you ruminate and cogitate on how to position it-the more studied and in the case of winter scarves-the less purposeful it will end up. Kind of like ruminating over Kama Sutra number three hundred and eighty two in the Jacuzzi. Just throw that bad boy-or girl around your neck-knot it one time and let it roll. My Flusser paisley is plenty big enough to cover me and silk is a really great product for winter insulation. No you can't have it Giuseppe so don't even ask.

The scarf in the Jacuzzi Sutra picture is a wool tartan-not sure the clan but what I’m sure of is that one of my best buddies and his new bride bought it for me while honeymooning in the UK and it’s valuable to me for sentimental reasons.

This one was made for me by the loving hands of a woman that I dated three years ago. I really liked her. My brother and I were talking about her over Christmas. She had the nicest butt...I miss her and her butt. Alas.
My all time fave is this silk paisley from my spiritual advisor Mr. Flusser. If the house was on fire and I could only take one scarf it would be a tough pick between the honeymoon tartan, the breathtaking butt girl scarf and the Flusser paisley. The Flusspais would probably win out butcept by the time I decided, the infernal flames would be licking my whatever as I made the painful decision and my escape.

The green wool and cotton challis upon which all the others are propped is also courtesy of Messrs. Flusser et al and it’s a good undercoating for a crew neck sweater and a jacket.

Cary Grant sports a scarf in the style intended for ones similar to my green challis. “My Green Challis”-sounds like a good working title for something. I’ll get back with you later-maybe-on what that something might be. Shut up.

Tony Biddle sported a scarf with equal parts élan and carelessness-both keys to duende. He also had a big ass nose. Bigger than mine. You know what they say about noses? Oh shit, it's feet they say that about. I wear a seventeen wide.

On a random note, my Wiley Brothers Hoof Pick belt continues to be my favorite Christmas gift. Y'all pool your money and buy me another one please.

So what does a daddy do when his little girl has maxed out on Wilma Rudolph rewrites? I first scooped her up and cuddled with her in my club chair.

I then rubbed her little temples and told her that I have to edit and rewrite things all the time-that it’s just part of the process to make things better. I didn’t tell her that there are things like this blog that I don’t edit and frankly don’t give a damn about grammar and syntax. Shut up.

I then cheered her up by conjuring tales of strong adventurous women like Wilma Rudolph but since scarfuzzes were my props, I conjured more in the direction of Amelia Earhart, Gertrude Bell, Coco Channel, Hellé Nice…the Bugatti Queen, and Karen Blixen.

You know-women that would make jealous the likes of Gertrude Stein because they were beautiful and smart.

So my friends-wrap your asses up in scarfuzz-read an inspirational biography about a strong woman and avoid the Jacuzzi at all costs.

Onward-in a scarf.


LPC said...

My best to LFG. Tell her that homework does get easier with practice.

James said...

Wise words indeed. I don't think I'll need the Jacuzzi advice, but its nice to know. The poor Pootist, but it looks like good old Dad brought the smiles back. Well done ADG!

Anonymous said...

Wow, that Flusser paisley is something.

I think I would have to have it made in to a "throw cushion" or three and placed on a favorite sofa or chair so I could see that tremendous fabric and pattern on a regular basis.

ilovelimegreen said...

ADG- How you master segues.

Regarding LFG and scarf antics and book-report writing, if I didn't know better, I'd think you were related to my father.

Memphis88 said...

Those pictures of a scar-fuzzed LFG are hilarious.

So I can better understand the breathtaking butt of the yellow scarf maker, compare it to that of the middle Rockette you joked about marrying a couple weeks ago.

ELS said...

Delicious! She looks like a slightly outraged Greta Garbo.

As in fact do I due to being suddenly at my desk not whizzing down a hill on a tea tray.


ADG said...

LPC....thanks. Will you come help us with it?

James...thanks grandaddy! Flusser and get one.

LimeGreenGal...that's a sublime compliment. Thanks.

Memphis88...I have to tell you my friend-no lie-the green scarfuzz gal had a comparable butt.

ELS...I'm in a Marriott in Philly. My first billable day of the year-so I understand the transition from tea trays to work.

Memphis88 said...

Well hell then, I miss her and I don't even know her. Just looked at that scarf again and I'm not sure how I thought that was yellow.

John Johnston said...

Personally, I'm happy to hear that LFG is required to actually produce a report in long-hand. Many schools are eliminating penmanship in toto from their curricula. Sorry - my inner curmudgeon is showing.

She's a cutie - enjoy this time while she's young, they grow so quickly. My daughters are now grown, but I can still hear my youngest say (at least in my head) "Happy near you!" each January 1.

Oh, lest I forget - great scar-fuzzes! (love that!)

Toad said...

They do take to silk at a tender age don't they? With the turban, and burkha she'll be all set for any bbq joint anywhere in SC.

Brian said...

Cigars and hot tubs always lead to a good time!

Memphis88 said...

I have a couple friends that'd disagree with you on that one, Brian. We were on our senior trip a few years ago smoking cigars in a hot tub and a couple of my buddies got sick as dogs from it. Though, one was smoking two cigars at the same time which certainly didn't help.

ADG said...

Mamphis...I miss her too.

JohnJohn...thanks, I agree

Brian...I blame you for the resumption of my cigar habit.

Toad...LFG won't eat the stuff. Troubles me.

tintin said...

I swear I had no idea. But when I was being handled Sunday I kept hearing this voice tell me, "Scarves." This week I kick off my, "thrifting in Boston" series.

ADG said...

Titin...NO worries buddy. Thrifting in Boston is going to be superb-can't wait to read. Stay tuned for my Thursday Thurstons and my Friday Fondue series!

The Blushing Hostess said...

1. Hoof pick belt: Now I have seen it all. Do you realize we use em to pick manure out of hooves? Just sayin'...

2. Strong women: LFG's Mama. Just look at that glorious child.

3. Come to Middleburg and don't warn me again, and you and I are so through, I mean it this time...

Happy new year, ADG!

ADG said...

BLUSHING....thanks for coming over and scolding me. I liked it. Warn you about a M'burg visit? But you had already dropped us.

ADG...with a turd extricator belt.

Summer is a Verb said...

The belt looks smashing...XXOO

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