Bad Pussy…

…Cat.

I suspect that this kind of travesty is bound to occur when you allow a cat to do the drawing in a raffle. Folks I’ve been robbed-I’ve been wronged-I’ve been cheated. Not yet sure specifically how the machinations were handled to assure that I didn’t win-but rest assured-when a crafty puss like Pilgie is running the show-the sky’s the limit regarding behind the scenes antics.

Don’t get me wrong. There are SOME kitties that LFG and I like. Puss’n Boots from Shrek is a fave and...

LFG declared that the Cheshire Cat in Alice in Wonderland 3-ADG was her favorite character in the latest iteration of the Lewis Carroll classic. 

Tom and Jerry was a fave of mine when I was little and I can’t imagine Tom perpetuating any kind of scam.

So Pilgie, you can pass some 411 on over to your mommy. You know that I’ve always felt like she was my sister…the kind of sister that you fight like cats (sorry) and dogs with while riding in the back of the station wagon on vaycay. The kind of sister that you mess with…aggravate the shitake out of for sport but then would fight to the death to defend her if anyone else dared mess her up in any way-knowing that she would do the same for you. Well my feline felon, you can just tell Ms. Alice Baby Summersverb that I am no longer speaking to her. The fact that I’ve never spoken to her in my life is beside the damn point here. Shut up-stop purring with satisfaction you little operator you. If she was my real sister I’d have nipped this in the bud from the get-go. I’d a just done the same thing that I did with my sis years ago…”I’m telling mama” screamed at the top of my lungs usually mitigated such things back then.

Where’s my advocate in this travesty? 

Dreyfus had Emile Zola. 

I feel as resigned as Dreyfus looks in the Vanity Fair print of him.

Pilgie is the Major Esterhazy in this boondoggle. 

Mandela had scores of devotes watching his back…even though it took them a while to get him out of the pokie. 

Rosa Parks in her refusal to accept an almost equal level of injustice to what I’m in the midst of fostered an entire damn movement. I mean sh_t folks, you people need to march …march…march on wherever that Allie girl is currently shacking up. She’s hiding and it’s a damn good thing.

Ok, I know you are wondering how I’ve been hoaxed. By the way, where I’m from we pronounce that word hoe-as in garden hoe and axe…you know…the implement that Paul Bunyan used to chop down trees. Where  is Paul’s ass when I need him to chop down the injustice manifest here? The Summer is a Scam…I mean Summer is a Verb scavenger hunt con needs to be chopped down-deconstructed and exposed. I smell Ponzi-Madoff –butcept this one has four paws.

AllievonSummersverb had a scavenger hunt contest thang. One of the gifts for the male winner was the Wiley Brothers Hoof Pick belt. After realizing the opportunity to own my second Wiley Brothers belt, I was on that contest like a rat on a damn Cheeto. 

Far and away the best Christmas present of 2009 was my Wiley belt. I wear it all the time and only abandoned it briefly the other day for my Flusser green gator waist pageantry.  I’d already decided on the palomino tan version of the belt and had been “mentally wearing it” for the last week. 

It should be mine for no other reason than I want it. Who else puts the Hoof Pick to as much use as me?

Then I get the news that I didn’t win-even though we know that I HAD to win and was predestined to win and should win and deserved to win. 

The initial photo evidence that Pilgie made the pick without influence might be acceptable to most observers but not to LFG. She's more undone over this than me. "I'm gonna make this right daddy"...out of the mouths of babes.

After doing a bit of snooping around, LFG came up with an additional photo that fully supports that fact that I DID win. Who would blame Pilgie for wearing shades when on the cusp of a shady switcheroo. And by the way Pilgie, I can't believe that your mama would let you wear those non-RayBan airport kiosk $8.99 disco aviators. Your new name around here-other than Bad Puss is....Ersatz Kat.

Now I’m not a man of violence. I learned after Bruce P. whipped my ass in the fourth grade that my best approach to dealing with issues of getting people to comply involves delegation, deception and diplomacy. So let me say that it won’t be me that exacts physical manifestations of justice in this situation. 

Don’t be surprised however-that if my Wiley Brothers belt doesn’t arrive at Casa Minimus within the next week-“things” can happen.

Sulkingly. ADG

P.S. .... In lieu of all y'all chipping in to buy me the belt that was stolt from me...just drop off a little sumpin over here.