Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Merkin, My Mama and a Chair

My one day home between those manic three weeks of travel found it and me cold as ice. Overcoat cold. So I brandished (brandish…when was the last time YOU used THAT word in a sentence? I think this is a first for me) my Polo camel hair polo overcoat and invited my man Merkin, in the form of his scarf that was bequeathed me after he went on, to accompany me to Old Town and the office. Of all the days to walk to work, this one was, let’s say…chilly. Shut up.
Restoration Hardware is a spoon (3-wood) away from my office. (When was the last time you hearkened back to the jargon/vernacular of golf’s formative years and used the word spoon in a sentence to describe the forerunner of a modern 3-wood? This is about the seventh time for me-this month) And I think their repositioning and elevating of their offerings, coupled with a hard edit on the tchotchke is a positive thing but I mostly go in to gander around with LFG. Butcept the other day Merkin and I tucked in for two reasons...a reprieve from the cold and maybe a Christmas gift for my mama. (When was the last time you used the words hearken and gander in the same paragraph? Invite me over for Scrabble. Let’s play for cash money)  
I feigned curiosity about a few things as I thawed out but the comforter for my mama didn’t seem just right. These late 19th Century Butt Police Calipers interested me but I’m a bit cash poor these days and butt calipers are low on the list.
But then…but then…I spotted this chair. I like aesthetics…surprise I know. But I’m so-so on furniture. But this chair is different and I SWEAR it’s comfortable. Designed in the spirit of WWII fighter planes, it began talking to me. 
And I now have a craving flung on me like I haven’t experienced in years. Thirty three years to be precise. I haven’t hankered like this since I got a nanosecond glimpse of the elastic waistband on Roxanne Burgess’ cotton drawers in the seventh grade. 
And no, before you ask, I wasn't doing anything pertaining to Miss Burgess that I oughtna. She bent over to pick up her books and it was just there for a moment, in my visual thingy. Shut up.
And I sat in it. And I liked it. I could read in this chair for hours. And with its sturdy leather and stainless steel shrouding, if I upchucked a little bit or something, an easy cleanup, sometime within the ensuing ten days would be a no brainer. I gotta have this thing.
But where would I put it? I have a great barrel backed leather wing chair that I got from Restoration about four years ago.
 I think the wing chair should go to my office and the cockpit chair should replace it at home. So far so good right?
So Saturday I took my girlfriend LFG in to review the chair. She pondered it for a spell.
And then the verdict came. She no likeee da chair. Alas. Gotta figure out how to win the little chair critic over. Ideas?
Onward. Wiff…Scarf, Goggles and Chair Owning Intent.

ADG, II

45 comments:

LPC said...

Classic. I will refrain from commenting on the chair. LFG's face is priceless.

ADG said...

LPC...Come on Prunella! Your lack of comment IS a comment. I'm gonna get it anyway. So there.

Patsy said...

Hhhmm, I'm torn. On the one hand, I really like that chair (in a not-in-my-house-but-totally-cool kinda way) but I also like LFG's taste in decorating.

Flo said...

"And then the verdict came. She no likeee da chair."

No, she no likeee, but this is a woman who's decorated her suite with hot pink paint on her walls, and a patchwork dayglo Lilly comforter on her bed. She don't got her riveted aluminum/brown leather sea legs yet. Lead the way, but best of all, you have one more day to get that chair using the storewide 20% sale going on at RH, ending tomorrow. Consider a pair.

James said...

I know that look on LFG's face,“Omnes relinquite spes, o vos intrantes " ( when's the last time you quoted Dante in Latin?, shut up!) My favorite word to throw out is "brook" as in "I will brook no interference" I would put a big fan in front of that chair a fly open cockpit. For the love of all that's holy BUY THE CHAIR!
Roxanne called, she knows you peeked.

Kathie Truitt said...

Bribery, my dear man. That is the answer to your question.

I always have my dictionary/thesaurus at my side when perusing your blog and I'm sure to learn a new word upon every visit. However, there is one word you use quite often and I can't seem to find it. I've even 'googled' the definition and yet??? Nothing.

'Butcept'. (hee-hee - just joking! I have a teenage son so of course I've heard the word used more frequently than I care to admit).

Turling said...

Cash. Cold, hard cash. Amazing how much better things look when swathed (I'd hold my own in Scrabble) in greenbacks.

Anonymous said...

I knew you were looking.

Get the chair.

-Roxanne Burgess

Anonymous said...

Get the chair. But you gotta wear a little leather helmet when you are in it. I am pleased that you would prefer it over something like, say, the Churchill chair. I am getting the French dentist's chair to replace my Aeron in my home office.

CeceliaMc said...

What's not to like about riveted sheet metal and leather, but I'd like it better if the interior was leather-lined. The way it is, you could snag something.

This chair reminds me of those Viagra commercials with the couples whose foreplay is to soak in separate tubs.

This chair could be modified for ads featuring a captain on "auto-pilot", and his patient lady co-pilot.

Preppy 101 said...

Well, if you really love the chair and she has vetoed it, it's time to deal. You let her buy something that you have vetoed, and you get your chair. Oh, that's right, you've never vetoed anything - Well, then you just might try the "what would it take for you to agree with me on this chair?" Be prepared for I think she might be a tough customer;-) xoxo

LESLIE said...

The chair makes me think of the old Memorex ads! BUY IT

Ari said...

That chair underneath a propeller -- specifically, a rattan-bladed ceiling fan.

NCJack said...

Tell young LF that she'll "understand when she's older". That always satisfied me at that age, i.e. too young to purchase firearms.

CeceliaMc said...

"Well, if you really love the chair and she has vetoed it, it's time to deal."

I thought the great "deal" was that dad springs for her sustenance for another 12 or so years.

Summer is a Verb said...

That chair is da bomb!!! And, that's not just my fear of the calipers talkin...XXOO

Flo said...

"I thought the great 'deal' was that dad springs for her sustenance...."

Nah, that's the "great deal," that's Great Responsibility.

Been there, done that, my guess is he's doing the GR $ sustenance at Casa Ex as well as Casa Max, both.

If a chair or a jacket or a pair of needlepoint slippers help balance it all out for you DearHeart, go ahead. Mix it up, make sure you're not last in line.

Anonymous said...

Get her something to put her feet up on, brother, and she'll fit/feel just fine (it's her elven thighs [the limited length of 'em] that're holding her back). - A

M.Lane said...

"I'm getting it anyway", now THAT'S the spirit!

I love the chair. I'd like to have one. And I love "a craving flung on me". THAT I could also use...

Merry Christmas.

ML
mlanesepic.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

This chair rocks! You have to indulge yourself on this one.

However, will it require that you wear a Cartier tanks watch while sitting in it?

I'm thinking this chair may look even better by the pair, if that is possible.

I hope you'll provide a post-Yule, follow-up photo once it's placed in your distinctive domain.

yoga teacher said...

That chair is kinda scary-looking. As a single woman, I'm just gonna say if you invited me in, and I took a gander at that chair, I might hearken to my intuition that you might be a-hankerin' for something weird. But maybe fun. Does it come with magnets?

Young Fogey said...

I ask my chilluns for input, sure. I even ask 'em which one they like, especially when it doesn't matter which one they like ("which hat do you want to wear--the one Mommy knit for you, or the one the nice lady at church knit for you?").

But for me? I decide. I may ask for, even accept, input--but if I had a yen (when's the last time you used that word in a sentence and weren't talking about Japanese money?) for that chair the way you do, I would simply buy it. If I could get it on sale while I was at it? All the better. If my kids said something unflattering, I'd tell them 1., it is not your place to criticize, and 2., you'll understand when you're older.

In any case, a family is not a democracy: it's a benign dictatorship.

Buy the con-sarned chair!

Anonymous said...

Fix the her up with a copy of Beryl Markham's biography West With The Night. I reckon that's solid reading for any young woman, chair enthusiast or no.

ADG said...

Thanks for the suggestions everyone! I have a sneaking feeling, none of these are going to work!

Anonymous said...

That's 'cause the brilliant, laws-of-physics-based suggestion that I posted yesterday somehow got lost like the second sock in the depths of the Internet . . . she needs something she can put her feet up on (and perhaps a pillow behind her back), ADG - her thighs are just too darn elven in scale for the depth of that seat. - A

Anonymous said...

Great to see someone else refers to the 3 wood as a "spoon." I would love to hear one of the golf talking heads use this instead of insisting on calling it a "3 metal."

I can't get with RH's new color scheme, seems a bit cold to me. Not that it should matter much to them as my current demand for household goods is next to nil.

SouthernProletariat said...

That looks more like a "dad, can we please get out of here and go somewhere fun?" look rather than a "I don't like this chair" look. She's eleven. She may hate it, but ultimately it's your Casa.

(for the record, I don't think it looks comfortable either- stainless? Seems chilly. And fingerprint-y...but each to his own. Get the chair)

ADG said...

I've loved all the GREAT comments. But it's all now a rather moot point. My car just blowed up!

Anonymous said...

People, LFG is right. The chair is hideous.

ADG said...

Don't you call my child hideous!

Flo said...

"The chair is hideous."

The chair is fuzzy.

CeceliaMc said...

I believe in benign household dictatorships too.

And child labor. I'm all for child labor.

Lisa said...

I have two schools of thought about the chair. Number one is that if I asked for my offspring’s opinion for every piece of furniture that crossed the threshold, our house would look like Disneyland – not good. I’m secure enough to think that I know what will look good and what would not. Underage children’s tastes have yet to emerge. BUT number two school of thought has to take into consideration that we are dealing with: LFG. Not someone who can be trifled (sound familiar????) and so close to Christmas and all. The girl has shown remarkable taste in the re-design of her room, HOWEVER, it is your/her home and I happen to think the chair is fantastic(!!!!). LFG will learn to love it, so go with it. The rugs you have will only make it look better.

Lisa said...

just saw the 'car just blowed up!' statement. I hate it when that happens. Good thing I got rid of my Saab BEFORE that happened. just good ole' American cars that blow up now. Get over yourself/car and go get that gorgeous, beautiful chair. At least if it doesn't work out, there are no legal fees :p

Chuck Hatt said...

Well Sir,

Upon my perusal of your most recent tractate I was reminded of a quote from my dear and departed grandmother..... "Why in the world would anyone want to wear blue jeans!".

This remark always caused my to chuckle and mutter "semiotics old girl, semiotics".

She never understood that the viewer forms his or her relationship through the lens of their own experience. Much like the Confederate flag is read one way by Hayley Barber and quite another by the mother of Strom Thurmond's love child, we tend to appreciate (or not) any object through our accumulated life experience.

Invite LFG to watch some movies about WWII fighter pilots or something from the great TV series 12:00 O'clock High and see if she begins to appreciate the patina of sheet metal and leather.

I usually read your post with a purely aesthetic stance ADG but this time an efferent approach seemed more appropriate. And when was the last time...........

Anonymous said...

If your "blowed up" ride has put you in the throws of a repair or replace dilemma I would strongly advocate a replacement. Today's cars are light years ahead of those produced even a few years back, and prices are damned near reasonable. And, no, I have no commercial interest in the sale of autos - just learned advice from a guy who paid for way yonder too many repair jobs. Merry Christmas to you and yours.

Anonymous said...

Chuck Hatt.......hilarious ! I hadn't read remarks from you here before and I was curious. Had to find out about the amusing new commenter. I clicked on your name and ended up on your blog. WOW. Wonderful. I will visit regularly now. Thank you


SFBayArea

ilovelimegreen said...

My mother has a theory that children despise whatever style of furniture is in their childhoold home. Thus, no matter what chair you select, LFG will hate it.

And ADG, you know just how terrified I would be to play scrabble with you - but don't think I'm not up for the challenge.

CeceliaMc said...

"This remark always caused my to chuckle and mutter "semiotics old girl, semiotics"."


I fervently hope that she invariably replied by whacking you one.

ADG said...

Y'all are killing me with the comments but I have to tell you...I haven't thought about "12 O'Clock High" in a zillion years! Great. I'm sure it was in syndication when I watched it as a kid but I loved it. Damn! I just re-remembered RAT PATROL.

Young Fogey said...

So--didja buy the chair?

Anonymous said...

Don't tell me this is now a prelude to a blog on Field Marshall Rommel......

ADG said...

Fogey....I DONE TOLE YOU. MY CAR BLOWED UP. AIN'T NO CHAIR MONEY LEFT IN THE BUDGET. NO CHAIR. MAYBE LATER WHEN A SCRATCHED AND DENTED ONE IS AT THE RESTORATION HARDWARE OUTLET!!

Easy and Elegant Life said...

Good thing you didn't have the spondulicks to grab that chair. I'd be tempted to stamp a martini on it after every drink. Five and you're an ace, right?

ADG said...

Eleganto...I had this chair thang out of my system. But now I've gotta figure out a way to get it. 'cause your suggestion for a stamp after every martini is a keeper.

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