The Pollock Heritage Artisanal Repurposed Trouser

The cura-sartorialists are at it again. But this time they’ve recruited stylonista LFG for a re-interpretative project sure to rival the much lauded December 2010 LLVDH. That’s LFG above. Replete with McNairy-Muytjens black plastic Angst Eyewear.

"Daddy, if I’m gonna work with these guys, you are gonna have to work with ME. Rumination is the name of this game daddy and I can’t seem to get my knock rip-off groove on without these glasses. Now help me roll my shirt sleeves and britches legs up so that they look inordinately skimpy and ergo (yes daddy…ergo) sillier than you've ever kitted out. And then daddy, tell me what rumination is and teach me how to do it.”

Regarding the need for a creative cohort led by LFG…“The other guys might wanna spin some angst shrouded story about why we sought out LFG but the reason is quite simple. We were out of adjectives, man. And you can only re-re-re-interpretate stuff so many times before the dunning drives you crazy” declared Darnell Burgess, spokesperson for collaborists McNairy, Browne and Muytjens. “We were also out of money” chimed Muytjens while Mark “Knock-Off” McNairy simply brooded for a moment before defensively spittling…“Look, we ran out of a lotta sh_t. Repurposed artisanal derivative work will burn lesser men out in eight-ninths the time it took for this uber team to crash. Now reduce that fraction smartass. We needed new ideas, adjectives and a few pairs of worn out khakis.”

So the pentagonal gang put their heads together and declared that khakis, paint, Pollock, and an eye-gouging price point would rule the creative day. McNairy again…“Why not? Uncle Ralph had paint splattered khakis for sale in his Madison Avenue Mansion for a couple hundred bucks a throw some time back. With our collective genius, LFG’s paint and her daddy’s khakis, this thing has to carry a thousand dollar-a-pair MSRP. After we finish the prototype, we’ll send it over to Lesserfourthworldia and have kids half LFG’s age crank these babies out like sausage. Oh, and we'll make sure they use lead-based paints. Artisanal, heirloom, lead-based paints. And we’ll have a special little woodblock vintage tag hanging off the pants declaring so.”

And where’s the Jackson Pollock tie-in? Burgess on Pollock…“He was creative and crazy, man. Like us.” “And he was so cool that he even smoked cigarettes” offered Muytjens.

So after a frenzied paint slinging go at LFG’s daddy’s khakis…executed in the LFG-Pollock inspired bedroom at daddy’s house, a PHART wafted. The Pollock Heritage Artisanal Repurposed Trouser prototype was born.

This from Burgess…“We can’t thank LFG enough…for everything. Even McNairy cracked a smile her way between pastel pigmentated slops and drops.” “Ok, ok, so she helped a little bit. But we would have broken through this constipationary creative drought at some point” pouted a paint-weary McNairy.

The PHART remains outdoors at present. Curing and wafting its pastel Pollockness in preparation for next steps. If the "lifestyle inclusion-premarketing gullibility test" goes as well for these babies as it did for the LLVDH, you too can apply for PHART ownership…at a thousand bucks a go.

Onward. Splattered. And wishing it was still Spring Break.

ADG, II